Dear Erin- It's Me, God.

The night of my panic attack I tried calling for reinforcements, aka Mom. When she didn't answer, it's a wonder I didn't curl up into the fetal position and start rocking to an absent minding humming of my own design. Instead, I actually had the where with all to ask David to say a prayer for me, as I packed up my nerves and headed off to Bible study with the gals.

I hadn't told anyone but my mom of our tentative moving plans, so in a state of semi-anguish, I viewed our Beth Moore DVD in subdued silence. In it we heard about Moses leading the Israelites through the desert. After they sinned big-time against Him, God told Moses any trip to the Promised Land wasn't going to include Him. He had had it. But Moses, even though the Lord had still promised the protection of angels, and a land ripe with milk and honey and everything they could possible want or need, he refused to go. "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here," he told the Lord. In other words, "I'd rather be in the desert with you, than in the Promised Land without."

That spoke to me and became my fervent prayer, which went something like this, "God, you know my heart's desire is to go to France. To experience this adventure. To be challenged, despite my fears. But I want to want You more than this dream of mine. I want the Giver more than the dream-come true. I do not want to go if You aren't coming with us. Do not let us go if You don't come, too."

The next morning, I repeated this prayer-request with David. After we prayed together, promising God we would not go unless He directed our steps, I went to check my email, as I often do. One of my morning emails is a verse of the day - which has the subject line of VOD and the only text in the body of the email is the Bible verse with it's address. Usually this email is in a list of other stuff, which is mostly junk mail and newsletters, which means I sometimes delete it without even reading it. That morning it was the only unread email in my inbox. Here's what it said,

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

God sent me an email!